BADONKA WHAT?

by Daughter Fish

Every once in a while, I sew something that I think is totally a-mazing while strutting in my apartment, but that proves completely inappropriate when taking it to the street (you know it Michael McDonald!). Usually these mishaps involve raveling seams or circle skirts blowing up around my face in a wind storm, but this week it came down to the fit—or the too tight fit—of this blue-and-gray jersey “wiggle” dress I made over the weekend.

On Tuesday I was wearing this dress, thinking it was the raddest cruise ship party frock ever, when I realized I needed to go to the copy shop up my street. Not 20 feet from my door, a man on his bike whistled and mumbled something about me “lookin’ real good.”  Suddenly, I felt the jersey clinging to my thighs and stomach in the ugliest way imaginable. Funny how one person’s compliment is another’s insult.

You talkin’ to me?

Regardless, I continued up the street, pulling at the skirt so it wouldn’t cling so tightly, vowing to Pillatesize myself body armor that doesn’t jiggle, when I heard a teenage boy calling from two stories above me:

Boy: Wow! Check that! She got a MAD badonkadonk!

My heart quickened with more dread, but when I looked up, the boy was leaning out his window, gawking much farther down the street, and I realized there was no possible way he could be talking about me, because I do not own a badonkadonk. I own a badinkadink—a.k.a. a white girl’s ass.

In case there’s any confusion:

I scurried on to the copy shop, then home to hide. I may wait to wear this dress until said  Pillatesizing has occurred,  or until the weather warms up and the rest of the city dwellers are wearing their skimpies too.

I will admit, however, that I’m super proud of how I finished the neckline on this dress. I used the same technique as for my chevron tank, with fabric bands around the neckline and arms. For the pattern, I simply elongated my maillot pattern into a dress.

Speaking of booties, have you seen Ohhh Lulu’s high-waisted pinup panty pattern?

I found her through Threadsquare’s Etsy circles (I’m stalking you Lavender!), and Lulu is doing a sew along and pattern giveaway, which you can sign up for until tomorrow. I think these panties would look fabulous whether you own a badonkadonk, badinkadink, or anything in between.